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| A GAGGLE OF MOVIE REVIEWS |  After recently joining NetFlix, I've had the privilege of watching a whole bunch of movies in a relatively short amount of time. Here I'll try to give a brief rundown of a few of them as to keep you dregs on the up and up with what's going on in the DVD Rental arena as of late.
Equilibrium
Many people refer to this as a sort of "poor man's Matrix." I hate to do it, but I'd kind of have to agree. It takes place in your run of the mill dystopian future that's been ripped off 1984 a million times, and people have to take medicine that strips away their emotions. This, of course, is so there's no more crime or war, or any of the crap that comes along with emotion. The main character is one of the enforcers of these "no emotion" laws, "The Grammaton Clerics," who excel in shooting the shit out of a room full of people. I'd suggest watching it for the final gunfight, if for no other reason.
Revolution OS
This is a pretty good documentary on the Linux operating system that contains interviews with Linux Torvalds, Richard Stallman, Eric Raymond, Bruce Perens, and many other influential people in the Free Software/Open Source world. Well, rather it starts off a pretty good Linux documentary, but as with anything that involves Richard Stallman, it rather quickly devolves into Stallman braying on and on about semantics while everyone else in the community tries desperately to either ignore him or make excuses for him.
Punch-Drunk Love
I really, really wanted to like this movie; I didn't. This movie builds tension almost better than any other movie I've ever seen. The anxiety level in the film grows and expands steadily like a balloon as the plot moves along, but, instead of letting it get overfilled and burst at the end, the writer just sort of lets go of the end of the balloon and it farts around the room deflating in a rather uneventful fashion.
The Stepford Wives
This remake of the 1975 classic poke at the Women's lib movement is so dumb it might actually kill you if you watch it.
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| THE LIFE AQUATIC |  The other day I took a little trip to go see The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou, and I was so thoroughly displeased with it that I though I'd go ahead and share with the intarweb what exactly I thought were the movie's glaring flaws.
First off, it seemed like the director was not paying attention to when the story should actually start, and once he realized that the timing on everything was way behind schedule, he took off with the plot like a bat out of hell, almost forgetting his keys. This misstep really seemed to set the tone for the entire feature.
Next thing that really got my sack in a knot was that right when it seemed the story was catching up with itself, they had the girlfriend character decide to try to cross Bourbon Street in the middle of French Quarter instead of taking Canal. It was sort of pointless and I felt that it slowed the plot down way too much. I'd really like to know what the director was thinking there, I mean it would have been ten times easier for her to go down Canal Street, and the story would have progressed with much less hassle.
After that it just seemed to turn into a fucking greek tragedy. There was one scene where the two main characters go to a movie theatre, and the theatre was fucking sold out. What kind of gay-assed plot device is that? There's no pay-off for the audience there. The writer should seriously think about going back to movie writing school. If there is a movie writing school. And if there is, I hope it's got a more dignified name than "movie writing school."
Of course at this point it feels as if the writer didn't actually commit to the story he's chosen. It actually feels like he went and got a couple six packs and then went off on a tangent and wrote a completely different story about climate changes and global warming. I mean, there was a part where the characters were literally being chased down a hallway by frost. It was odd to say the least.
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| VIDEO GAME AWARDS |  Well, I tried to watch Spike TV's Video Game Awards and I have to say, "Jesus Christ, are you fuckers retarded?!"
Ok, I sat down to watch this pile with a completely open mind. Maybe for the first time in my life a large audience will get to experience the subtle nuances of gaming culture. The hype, the hope, the thrill, and the letdown. What games truly shone, and what games truly... ughhh... whatever big, herky turds do.
Yeah, right.
First of all, it was hosted by Snoop "I Have No Goddamn Charisma" Doggy "Uncomfortable in Front of a Camera" Dog, and I got as far as watching him horribly interact with his own avatar from Def Jam Fight for New York (a game I really want to play by the way). The Scorsese-esque scene climatically ended with them both having a shamefully mixed verbal confrontation capped by the "Dogfather" turning his virtual self "off" with an XBox controller that he had mysteriously been holding in his hand since introducing the whole show. I'd love to know where the producers got the idea that this man was in any way related to the video game culture just as much as I'd like to know where they dreamed up the vision that he had enough words in his vocabulary to hold a stage for 10 minutes. I mean this isn't a rap song where you can rhyme "dick", "chronic", and "hoes" over and over for four and a half minutes.
Next up was him introducing the nominees for the first category, "Best Human Female." No mention if this was about voice actors in games, fictional characters, or just bouncy titty chicks from games, just the introduction. An introduction which was started by him saying something about females then holding his hands in the air while two half naked chicks descended on wires on either side of the stage.
I got up and made a straight bourbon.
When I came back the two vacuous retards were on both sides of Mr. Dogg, woodenly reciting some forgettable shit that was obviously being read off a teleprompter. I didn't even sit back down, I marched straight to my computer room where I looked at porn for about 4 minutes, installed the new version of Cedega, realized Valve had broken Steam compatibility with Cedega again, looked at some more pron, then decided to write a news post about the painful experience I just had.
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| KILL BILL (VOL 2) |  Finally saw Kill Bill II last night.
It's hard to say which one was better because both had their
merits. The first one was non-stop action with very little
story. The second was a whole helluvalotta story with a good bit
of action. I don't really like one better than the other so much
as I think they would have been better off if it had been one long
movie with the story and violence intermingled. I believe I
remember reading that it was supposed to actually be one movie, but it
was way too long, and Tarantino refused to cut anything out to shorten
it up, so two movies were released instead.
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| KILL BILL (VOL 1) |  Well,
after way too long, I finally saw Kill Bill last night. Only the
first volume, I wanted to separate viewings of the first and second by
at least a day as to get somewhat the same effect as everyone who saw
them in the theater, seeming as they didn't come out at the same time.
I'm really only upset with just one aspect of this movie: nobody told me
how much it rocked. After Tarintino's Jackie Brown
debacle, I figured when someone said a Tarantino move was "pretty
good", I just automatically translated that into "it was a pretty good
movie, but it was no Tarantino movie."
I'm having a hard time formulating sentences explaining how rocking
this movie was, it just hits on a visceral level I suppose. I'm
not sure if I'll get to volume 2 tonight, after all, it is Friday so I
do have to try to kill myself with alcohol.
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