// this is the most hacked, evil, bastardized thing I've ever seen. kjb

-Half-Life SDK, doors.cpp, line 744
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Media Reviews
Category: Media Reviews
Tuesday, October 26th, 2004 @ 01:51 pm
Posted By Brent
As you have probably guessed by now, I saw Team America: World Police. If you're wondering where the title of this post comes from, it's lifted from the title of the movie's "theme song" of sorts, America, Fuck Yeah. As a theme, the song accomplishes it job with thoroughness and efficiency. I think I might even love it. I'm sure it can be found on any major P2P network, not that I advocate that sort of thing, but you know where to look.

The movie itself may be one of the funniest things I've ever seen. It resides in that strange realm of humor where the fact that they actually made it is half of the joke. There are scenes where nobody's talking, or really doing anything for that matter, but you're just cracking your ass off because there are fucking puppets on the movie screen.

There's been a lot of talk about the movie being pretty much the most offensive thing ever made, but truth be told, I've never been able to view things from a vantage point of being vulnerable to "offense", so I can't help you there. I mean, sure, all arabic speech in the movie sounds like "durka durka jihad mohammed!", and they have a scene of full on, multi-positional, hardcore puppet sex, but in my eyes, that's just comedy, baby.

If you're worried about not being able to laugh because of any politics involved, don't. The guys didn't seem to have any agenda to push with the movie outside of "outspoken Hollywood actors are big douche bags," and I can't see that sentiment rubbing anyone the wrong way. Well, except outspoken Hollywood douche baggy actors that is, but who gives a shit about them?


Category: Media Reviews
Monday, October 4th, 2004 @ 09:27 am
Posted By Brent
With the exception of Canada (America Jr) and Mexico/Central/South America (third world), we in America are separated from the rest of the world by two vast oceans. To the west, is the Far East (which is odd), and to the east, is Europe. Contained in this "Europe" place is a small Island, roughly the same size as the state of Texas, called "Britain." I know three things about Britain, only one of which I can actually verify:
  • It rains all the time.
  • The food is really bad
  • They make really shitty movies
For anyone who's wondering which of these I can verify, well, let me introduce you to my good friend Billy, maybe he can explain it to you a little better than I can.

The strange thing about this rule is the caveat that comes with it. This caveat basically states that if a movie originates from Britain, and just so happens to be good, it is REALLY fucking good. Look to LockStock/Snatch (which I consider one movie) for a shining example of this law.

Well, I'm happy to report that Shaun of the Dead fits quite snugly into this small category of REALLY fucking good films from LimeyWood. Zombies? Check. Funny fat guy with slight cockney accent? Check. Reassuring message about man's journey through life in search of meaning? Check. They also have something that really hits below the belt as far as getting me to like a movie. Something that, if done correctly, triggers a subconscious need to like the movie even if it was utter "tripe," as the English would say.

You see, I am in some regards a "Movie Dork." I watch movies, I buy posters from movies, me and my friends sit around and try to "one up" each other with our vast mental encyclopedias of memorized movie quotes; and if there's one thing in a film that acts like Kryptonite to my movie cynicism, it's small, unexplained "nods" to other movies. I don't know what it is, but when I hear something in a movie that is quite blatantly a "nod" to another movie, and no one in the audience makes any audible cue that they "get it", I feel like I possess some intimate knowledge that the writer/director was trying to convey to only the few select people who could decode this cypher.

How am I supposed to resist a zombie movie with a fucking Reservoir Dogs homage slapped right in the middle of it? Simple: I don't.


Category: Media Reviews
Friday, August 27th, 2004 @ 09:32 am
Posted By Brent
[UPDATE]: Apparently a few of you are getting confused. This post was nothing more than me realizing that I had been victim of the ole Paxton/Pullman style confusion around these two particular celebrities. I was not pointing out that they are both listed somewhere with the same credits.

Aaron Eckhart:

Meet my friend Aaron Eckhart. He's getting to be quite a player these days. You may have seen him in smash hits such as The Core, or Paycheck. You can even catch him in the new film Suspect Zero about that douche bag "Remote Viewing" stuff that the History Channel keeps making people believe is real. If you're going to say something about the impossibility of being a star while at the same time being in movies like Paycheck and The Core, just keep your opinion to yourself for the time being.

I'm a big fan of Aaron Eckhart for two reasons, neither of them really being substantial at all: 1) He plays the lead role in the latest movie adaptation of The Punisher, and 2) He played Todd Parker, the moustachioed, gear head, coke addict in Boogie Nights.

Thomas Jane:

Meet my other friend Thomas Jane. Well, he's not really my friend, I don't think I've even heard his name before, but he's a person and he's got a page on IMDB. In fact, if you take a gander at said page, you'll notice it is quite chock full of "stuff", with this "stuff" being an assload of movies he's been in. You'll probably also notice the picture they have of him is about 81,000,000 times more gay than the one I have here.

Now I find myself being a big fan of Thomas Jane too. Why? Well, for two reason really: 1) He plays the lead role in the latest movie adaptation of The Punisher, and 2) He played Todd Parker, the moustachioed, gear head, coke addict in Boogie Nights.

Funny, eh?


Category: Media Reviews
Thursday, August 28th, 2003 @ 11:22 am
Posted By Brent

Have you ever gone to see a movie thinking it was going to be absolute shit, but after seeing it, it has completely won you over and you walk out of the theatre feeling like a better person for having viewed it? Well, I suppose it comes as no surprise that Freddy Vs. Jason is not that kind of movie.

Yes, I had to answer the screams of my inner child and humor him by going to see this. I grew up with the movies, and while I never really liked them, they were still part of my life as I grew up so I felt a certain pull to want to see it, which took the place of and actual want to see it.

That being said, the majority of this movie was a turd. First off, you need to understand something that took me a good bit of the movie to digest (and I was pretty upset when I did). This is not Freddy Vs. Jason, this is a Nightmare on Elm St. movie with Jason in it. The first Elm St. movie was pretty damned good, but by the time you see the seventh group of teenagers trying to stay awake and watching all their friends get killed, it gets pretty friggin' old; and unfortunately, that was the formula for the majority of this movie too.

Now that I've gotten all to stinky out, the actual Freddy Vs. Jason shit in this movie was pretty fucking baddass. I dug the shit out of the fight scenes, with my only complaint being that they were few and far between. I thought the ending was a pretty good closer for both, until of course the "ending-ending" that Elm St. and Jason movies horribly must always have. Then again, with Jason X taking place in like 3400 AD, he can't really die for good in this one.

In closing, if you're at all interested in the movie, go see it for the versus action, but don't expect an opus of any kind.


Category: Media Reviews
Tuesday, April 2nd, 2002 @ 02:55 pm
Posted By girlygirl
Of course, this is only done when we've seen a really good movie around here.
The latest great book turned movie (again) is Time Machine. You should check out the trailer . There are at least two teasers for it...make sure you check out the theatrical one.

Guy Pearce fits the part in this movie very well, as he did in Momento (which also rocked). And which, Pusher pointed out, was also a movie about "time".

Add a time machine plus Guy Pearce plus a hottie, named Samantha Mumba, plus Orlando Jones as a sort of computerized librarian, some bad guys and a ton of really cool special effects and there you are...one totally kewl movie to see.


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