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NIEL ARMSTRONG
Category: Social
Thursday, April 3rd, 2003 @ 02:33 pm
Posted By Brent
Friends, for a while now we've had a visitor to our comfy abode here at glitch13.com. While his familiarity with us, affinity for the White Stripes, and wicked redbeanish sense of humor may lend credibility to him actually being someone we know, I have yet to get anyone to crack under my torturous inquisition. And by that I mean when I'm drunk and asking Scott and Pete whether or not they know who the hell he is.

For those of you who have no idea who I'm talking about, I speak of the mystery man that goes by the moniker "Niel Armstrong". Of course, this isn't the only name he's gone by, he changes names like some of us change crab shampoos: Niel Armstrong, Louis Cifer, Evil Fix with goatee, Assman, Hershel Liebermatzahberg, cuddlemonster, Lohacla Suolovram (my personal favorite), 2dope, and Super hippie, to name but a few.

Perhaps I'm ahead of myself by posting this. Maybe, he's someone we know and he's always assumed we knew it was him because the subject of his identity has never been broached before.

I for one believe he wraps his anonymity around him like a protective shroud, occasionally snipping us with venom and humor. I always figured it was Gerald or Niki or someone else 'of the fold' that enjoyed antagonizing the masses here, if only in short stints. That was until I took notice of the most puzzling aspect of this caper: the originating address. It seems Niel posts from somewhere in that far off land of the LSU dormitory, or at least he only posts from somewhere on Campus. That combined with the fact the he posts with a frequency that does not paint a picture of a person that commutes from New Orleans, the only logical solution is that he lives in Baton Rouge.

And this is where, as they say, the plot thickens. Using my Sherlock Holmsian logic and powers of deduction, I have come to the conclusion that I don't know anyone who lives in Baton Rouge, and of the aquantances I do have there, none match the mental profile I have so meticulously pieced together.

So, unless he chooses to reveal himself, I suppose this will become one of the mysteries of the ages....



Comments

NAME: Miss A
Monday, April 14th, 2003 @ 02:59 pm
yes, and I respond with a grim nod. Not much more I can do to combat that cleverly worded harsh-ity. How about WOOOOO! 12 DAYS!!!


NAME: fix
Monday, April 14th, 2003 @ 12:51 pm
fuck you bitch. any way the 28th and 29th the cramps at the shim sham club.


NAME: Miss A
Monday, April 14th, 2003 @ 09:49 am
I don't think anyone cares


NAME: fix
Sunday, April 13th, 2003 @ 07:46 pm
13 days...dooder.


NAME: party lover
Sunday, April 13th, 2003 @ 10:04 am
www.boortz.com


NAME: party lover
Sunday, April 13th, 2003 @ 10:02 am
thinking about bb-q ing today when i get off of work around 6:30. the weener won't be here but maude will and she just took a bath. call me on my cell or the shop soos i can see if this is going to happen.
niel is neil boortz . check for yourself


NAME: glitch13
Friday, April 11th, 2003 @ 11:28 pm
Jesus, Lohacla Soulovram, that's fucking brilliance if I've ever seen it. I'm signing my checks with that from now on.


NAME: glitch13
Friday, April 11th, 2003 @ 11:16 pm
perhaps you mean the bag of DONUTS....


It may be incorrect spelling, but by god, that's their name!


NAME: XenuSux
Friday, April 11th, 2003 @ 10:22 pm
Ah, I make the front page of Glich for my divine ability to antagonize the masses on a whim...my life is truly complete. What more could I ask for? Everyone come on out to my neck of the woods on the 19th for Bag O Doughnuts at the Wall Street Grill.


NAME: GirlyGirl
Friday, April 11th, 2003 @ 06:02 pm
well, if we are changing the name, then I guess it is safe to go to.


NAME: glitch13
Friday, April 11th, 2003 @ 01:53 pm
Freedom Quarter Fest anyone?


NAME: Niel
Friday, April 11th, 2003 @ 01:15 pm
but don't you see?


NAME: fix
Friday, April 11th, 2003 @ 01:05 pm
made YOU SEEM needy, and made ME FEEL uncomfortable.


NAME: fix
Friday, April 11th, 2003 @ 01:04 pm
made you feel needy...


NAME: Niel
Friday, April 11th, 2003 @ 12:45 pm
Ok I just thought about it and that was horrible. It was actually like an uncomfortable recliner.


NAME: Niel
Friday, April 11th, 2003 @ 12:40 pm
Damn straight, and the French who had huge taxes on wine and cheese. That's like concentration camp.


NAME: party lover
Friday, April 11th, 2003 @ 12:24 pm
i'm going to the french quarter fest and party like a motherfucking drunk pig with no balance. i'll snarf all kind of food and slap myself soos i can remember who i am. i get there around 3:30 so get violent poo attacks at your jobs soos you can party too. my bird will show up around 5:00. don't even think about not going or you will get slapped. hell, you're going to slapped anyway. do it.


NAME: fix
Thursday, April 10th, 2003 @ 10:07 pm
16


NAME: fix
Thursday, April 10th, 2003 @ 10:06 pm
be strong...


NAME: glitch13
Thursday, April 10th, 2003 @ 07:21 pm
alcoholiclaus sounds to much like alco-holocaust....

makes me sad to think of all the poor jews who didn't have the freedom to celebrate alcohol day in the concentration camps....


NAME: niel
Thursday, April 10th, 2003 @ 05:45 pm
fo shizz?


NAME: bird fight "mork"
Thursday, April 10th, 2003 @ 12:08 pm
go to alertnet.org and type in hong kong slogan .


NAME: fix
Wednesday, April 9th, 2003 @ 07:08 pm
or alcoholiclaus...


NAME: fix
Wednesday, April 9th, 2003 @ 07:08 pm
alcaclaus!!! oh yeah...and 15 more days. weddings au go-go on the 28th in the evening. then alcoholic frenzy...if any of you that only know me through the site are down.


NAME: ian
Wednesday, April 9th, 2003 @ 03:08 pm
i thought that was the kwanzaa fairy.

oh, you said he looks irish. my mistake.


NAME: Niel
Wednesday, April 9th, 2003 @ 02:45 pm
and don't forget the jolly old St.Nick of alcahol day who looks just like Santa but he's Irish and instead of leaving things he takes things and pisses in your fire place.


NAME: pizza party dude
Wednesday, April 9th, 2003 @ 11:40 am
lots of new specials to take advantage of this week. to many to list here. call my hot line for a run down. press *2 for italian pies all new toppings. let inspections work!


NAME: Alcohol carol singer
Tuesday, April 8th, 2003 @ 10:30 pm
"Alcohol" - The Kinks, "Here Comes a Regular" — The Replacements, "I love you more than alcohol" - Droplet, "Alcohol" - Nirvana, "Roll out the Barrel" - Jaromir Vejvoda just to name a few.


NAME: Niel
Tuesday, April 8th, 2003 @ 04:31 pm
I don't remember any right now but they all come back quickly on alcahol eve and it's fun to go caroling.


NAME: fix
Tuesday, April 8th, 2003 @ 02:55 pm
i love all of the carols associated with alcahol day.


NAME: brandon turner
Tuesday, April 8th, 2003 @ 02:31 pm
i'm getting loaded and playing halo all night. if someone has the cure cd "the walk" bring it.


NAME: Miss A
Tuesday, April 8th, 2003 @ 01:47 pm
Repent, fools.


NAME: foo
Tuesday, April 8th, 2003 @ 01:33 pm
That's the problem with society today, we think that we only have to celebrate the spirit of alcahol day once per year. No! We need to keep this spirit 365 days per year, 24 hours per day. Every day can be alcahol day if we try! You may say that I'm a dreamer, but I know I'm not the only one. Remember to Keep the drunken sex in Alcahol day!


NAME: Niel
Tuesday, April 8th, 2003 @ 10:38 am
We all dust off the old liquor bottles and all the bars quit serving Kool-aid.


NAME: glitch13
Monday, April 7th, 2003 @ 07:30 pm
Oh boy have I been fucking that one up. You people are supposed to remind me of these rules.


NAME: ian
Monday, April 7th, 2003 @ 05:59 pm
ahh yes. alcahol day.

the one day of the year when the people of new orleans agree abandon propriety and drink the year's stresses away.


NAME: Niel
Monday, April 7th, 2003 @ 04:47 pm
You'll be here just in time for alcahol day.


NAME: fix
Monday, April 7th, 2003 @ 03:54 pm
19


NAME: Niel
Sunday, April 6th, 2003 @ 08:33 pm
Get out the spoon, get out the blender,
cuz its time to make some sweet love,baby.


NAME: fix
Saturday, April 5th, 2003 @ 01:24 pm
is this the sixties? i guess it doesn't matter because i'll be in new orleans in 21 days!!! drink. hearts. stop.


NAME: ian
Saturday, April 5th, 2003 @ 12:44 pm
and i heard he's slept with not one, but three of the spice girls.


NAME: re dbean
Saturday, April 5th, 2003 @ 10:42 am
niel is a bouncer at the "the library". he tells if people are on acid by the heat their bodys give off. he's also a very good pool and pocket pool player.niel drinks only jack and never sleeps alone.


NAME: GirlyGirl
Friday, April 4th, 2003 @ 09:09 pm
I thought that Niel was one of Dr01ds bretheren-in-laws.

he is kinda spacey...


NAME: Niel
Friday, April 4th, 2003 @ 03:41 pm
I love the picture too. That's me right before takeoff.


NAME: Niel
Friday, April 4th, 2003 @ 03:32 pm
I kid dr01d rulez everyone knows.
I forgot to say Mr. Glitch13 is right about everything actually and should continue the inquisition. The drinking part at least.


NAME: dr01d
Friday, April 4th, 2003 @ 02:43 pm
thanks


NAME: Niel
Friday, April 4th, 2003 @ 01:12 pm
Good deduction Mr. 13 but remember Stennis space center is 30 minutes away.
My immaturity may have been uncovered but my identity shall remain veiled for the time being so the immaturity may flow freely and chunkily.
The main reason I love G13 is b/c other sites like this or this or this or even this
are just hard on hangovers while glitch13 is hangover friendly. Keep up the awesome work.


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