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VIRUS | | Category: Tech Thursday, March 25th, 2004 @ 03:59 pm
| Quite often in my work (and occasionally my social life) I have to deal with computer viruses. Figure out what machines have them, where they're coming from, how to staunch the infection, and how to clean the machines. I hate it. I can't stand getting phone calls about them. I can't stand trying to explain to rubes from all over the country the nature of viruses and that just because it says its coming from a certain account, you can be almost 100% certain that its a spoofed email address. Then I have to explain address spoofing, but it doesn't matter because they didn't understand the first part so further explanation is pointless.
The funny thing is, I wouldn't mind it all that much if I ever had needed to do any of this for myself. I have never EVER gotten one of these retarded viruses. They're hardly even viruses. If you remember the world of computers in the late 80's and early 90's, chances are you'd remember what real viruses were like. Compared to the viruses of old, the viruses of today are akin to a knife laying on a street corner with a sign pointed at it that says "Stab yourself in the eye with this." I have no earthly idea how people keep getting infected with these things.
You see, viruses of old were innovative. None of them were Word documents, hardly any of them were executable, in fact, the majority of them weren't even files. They were phantom bits of machine code, hidden on disks and harddrives. If you put an infected floppy disk in your drive and accessed it, bam, you had a virus. There was no copying files or running executables. You couldn't see them, or delete them, or even tell they were there.
Take the Ripper virus Foo had once. It had the lovely side effect of randomly changing characters of text files every time you saved them. Kinda funny, eh? Really funny when the computer that's infected is the computer that contains the source code to the video game you being paid to write. Then he went on to give this virus to all of Texas, but that's another, much more funny story.
In closing, don't open any fucking email attachments, retards. And if you need to be told that, you also might need to be told to stop sticking you dicks in light sockets too. Unless you're standing in a puddle of water.
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