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GURT BEEFROW
Category: Social
Monday, November 22nd, 2004 @ 10:13 pm
Posted By Brent
Ole Gurty boy.Saturday, after some especially good vittles had at Magazine Street's one and only Slim Goodies, we decided to retire to the house of SCandAL for a night cap or twelve.

While walking along the red brick walk up to their door, I heard a faint pop and a small squeal from Alison.

Something on the order of "not again, that's the third one!" came Scott's reply.

Utterly confused and wanting to know what the hell just happened, I gingerly inquired, "what the hell just happened?"

I was then treated to a brief explanation about Alison's despicable habit of crushing poor, defenseless snails that are haplessly sucking the mold off the brick walkway. I know, disgusting, but I found it in my heart to forgive her, so should you. After that we went inside and drank ourselves to the edge of oblivion. Not smoking while getting drunk puts an odd edge on the experience that I haven't quite gotten control of fully. Hopefully it's just the physical withdrawal, which will fade with time.

Anyway, In a moderately unrelated story, I had tentative plans the next day to have a little breakfast with Scott and Alison while the little missus was out with one of her friends doing girly crap. While waiting for the breakfast to get going, I was in the "garden", weeding my new found pride and joy, my budding pumpkin patch, when lo, I discovered a quite gargantuan interloper: a large snail was enjoying quite the mildew buffet on the bricks encircling my beloved pumpkin patch. While squatting there staring at this snail, I had one of those epiphanies where, in the span of a single second, you crossreference ten different loose ends in your head all at the same time and come up with a single solution that solves a miriad of problems. As if you formulated the theory of relativity as a by product of inventing a way of turning water in to Wild Turkey with 29 cents worth of equipment. Well, that's what it felt like at the time, but in actuality it was more like this:

"Man, I could toally give that snail to Alison to help her atone for her horrible genocidal actions against all of snail-kind!"

The sheer genius of the situation was signed, sealed and delivered when I needed to come up with a name for the little guy. A half wrong remembered name from some movie that had been floating around in my head all morning. You know, when you have this wispy half memory that's basically a string of sounds floating around in your head refusing to let you concrete the memory in your mind, much less let you remember its origin? Yeah, that kind of memory. The kind that drives you nuts for hours on end until you finally pin it down. Instead of letting it bug me any longer, I would exorcise this thought by externalizing it. Thus I christened this snail:

Gurt Beefrow

I went to affix a plaque to his new habitat, one that would boldly proclaim the rightful name of the occupant, but the only plaque making supplies I had at the time were masking tape and a sharpie, so it ended up being much less bold than previously thought... the result can be seen in the image accompanying this post.

The unfortunate part of this is when SCandAL arrived to go to breakfast, an uncomfortable turn of events had begun, and I had to decline on breakfast and settle for just handing Gurt off to his new owners.

Godspeed Gurt Beefrow. Godspeed.



Comments

NAME: g13
Tuesday, November 23rd, 2004 @ 02:58 pm
Maybe this will be helpful:

What snails eat
&
Wikipedia entry on snail diets


NAME: g13
Tuesday, November 23rd, 2004 @ 09:15 am
I think they just suck funk off of surfaces, which is why I put those moldy brick fragments in the jar.


NAME: ian
Tuesday, November 23rd, 2004 @ 07:34 am
and that snail is HUGE!!!


p.s.
does anyone know what snails eat?


NAME: ian
Tuesday, November 23rd, 2004 @ 07:34 am
i haven't. even during a totally amazing show last night- best $12 i've ever spent and i never smoked not even a drag. going strong.


NAME: shit
Tuesday, November 23rd, 2004 @ 02:48 am
who smoked?


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