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RAP IS A MOCKERY OF ITSELF
Category: Music
Wednesday, October 3rd, 2007 @ 08:41 pm
Posted By Brent

Ok. I'm old. Things are out for a long time before they trickle through the webbertoobs to places I haunt.

Anyway, so I'm watching a Youtube video of something, I don't remember what, and I hear Daft Punk's "Hard, Better, Faster, Stronger" playing in the background. Now I'm not a huge Daft Punk fan but the things I've heard have been pretty agreeable. So about 5 seconds into the song I hear some mongoloid mumbling over the song saying things like, "Yeah, un-huh, yeah, keep it going [insert retarded rap platitudes here]." Then, this mystery voice begins rapping.

Ok, so taking someone else's song, sampling it and mumbling over it is not new to the "art" form known as rap, but for Christ sakes, this isn't a song that is mired in complicated bridges that one could pluck a killer beat from and sample it. It's a fucking beat with a flanged voice saying the same shit over and over (which one could argue is a one sentence description of any Daft Punk song). I don't know why, but this struck me as the more bush league than any of this dumb ass, Puffy Diddy Poof, sampling ass, can't write shit rap status quo routine bullshit than even that dumb ass rap version of Kashmir.

So, after a bit of sleuthing (aka asking Derrick sitting next to me), I find that it is none other than Kanye "George-Bush-Doesn't-Like-Black-People" West. I don't know much about the cat, but he's already got two strikes against him in my book. I end up Youtubing up the video and sit in for a treat.

First thing I notice is that Daft Punk is apparently in the video. Or maybe he "sampled" their costumes, I have no idea. Second thing I notice... wait... WHAT THE FUCK? The video is him re-enacting Akira. The anime movie. That's when I had a epiphany. I really need to start producing rap:

Step 1: Find a song that is really popular and write some dumb shit you can mumble over it.
Step 2: Put your junk in the box.
Step 3: Find a movie that is really popular and make a video where you play the badass lead character.
Step 4: Sell everyone shit they've already bought twice, but this time with more, "yeah, un-huh," in it.

Holy shit. This is awesome. You are all invited to my mansion party when my rap version of Fiest's "1, 2, 3, 4" comes out along side the video where I play Jack Nicholson in the "Departed."



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