Ok. I'm old. Things are out for a long time before they trickle through the webbertoobs to places I haunt.

Anyway, so I'm watching a Youtube video of something, I don't remember what, and I hear Daft Punk's "Hard, Better, Faster, Stronger" playing in the background. Now I'm not a huge Daft Punk fan but the things I've heard have been pretty agreeable. So about 5 seconds into the song I hear some mongoloid mumbling over the song saying things like, "Yeah, un-huh, yeah, keep it going [insert retarded rap platitudes here]." Then, this mystery voice begins rapping.

Ok, so taking someone else's song, sampling it and mumbling over it is not new to the "art" form known as rap, but for Christ sakes, this isn't a song that is mired in complicated bridges that one could pluck a killer beat from and sample it. It's a fucking beat with a flanged voice saying the same shit over and over (which one could argue is a one sentence description of any Daft Punk song). I don't know why, but this struck me as the more bush league than any of this dumb ass, Puffy Diddy Poof, sampling ass, can't write shit rap status quo routine bullshit than even that dumb ass rap version of Kashmir.

So, after a bit of sleuthing (aka asking Derrick sitting next to me), I find that it is none other than Kanye "George-Bush-Doesn't-Like-Black-People" West. I don't know much about the cat, but he's already got two strikes against him in my book. I end up Youtubing up the video and sit in for a treat.

First thing I notice is that Daft Punk is apparently in the video. Or maybe he "sampled" their costumes, I have no idea. Second thing I notice... wait... WHAT THE FUCK? The video is him re-enacting Akira. The anime movie. That's when I had a epiphany. I really need to start producing rap:

Step 1: Find a song that is really popular and write some dumb shit you can mumble over it.
Step 2: Put your junk in the box.
Step 3: Find a movie that is really popular and make a video where you play the badass lead character.
Step 4: Sell everyone shit they've already bought twice, but this time with more, "yeah, un-huh," in it.

Holy shit. This is awesome. You are all invited to my mansion party when my rap version of Fiest's "1, 2, 3, 4" comes out along side the video where I play Jack Nicholson in the "Departed."

At last, the new Worms song can be heard. (Well, at least the instrumental demo version. Gotta string this stuff out a little.) The Artist says that this is somewhere between Revenge of the Nerds and The Breakfast Club. I've got to say he's right.

Worms- Carpet Man

(Related: The Worms)

Pete recently said that he has a new Worms song out, so once he gets it over to me I'll toss it up here for the public to paruse.

For the uninitiated, The Worms was a band circa roughly 1998 that was made up of Pete and Patrick. From what I can remember, it was mostly Pete doing everything while Pat would pace around drinking and giving his thumbs up or down on what Pete was doing. This of course doesn't mean Patrick never played anything, I'm sure he laid quite a few bass tracks on a number of their songs.

A few years later, Pete burned me a CD of the songs he still had in his 8-track from the Worms days, songs that I don't think Pete even has anymore. Well, Katrina took care of the CD for me, but luckily I had ripped it to mp3 mere months before the catashrophe, so the music has survived in one form or another. It may not be the same without the CD cover Pete made for it, a picture of me drunkenly trying to tackle Pete in my living room while wearing an orange ski mask, or the liner notes, "The CD is so good it will make you shit yourself," with a wet wipe taped to the inlay right underneath it, but at least it still exists.

Anyway, as a celebration of this newly released, but as of yet unheard, new Worms song, I am making freely available, without artist's consent, the entire Worms debut album: "The CD I Gave To Brent." It didn't have a name, so I made due.

• The Worms - If You Only Didn't Know
• The Worms - Norton
• The Worms - Ugly Like Me
• The Worms - Lucy
• The Worms - Apple Juice
• The Worms - Christine
• The Worms - Pussy Fingers
• The Worms - Mike
• The Worms - Mike II
• The Worms - Don't Point Your Finger At John Cougar Mellencamp
• The Worms - Crazy Ed
• The Worms - Instrumental
• The Worms - Wiffleball Bat Girl
• The Worms - The Sky Will Wash Us Together
• The Worms - Pink Little Pig
• The Worms - Instrumental

PS. None of the songs had names on the CD I received, and I could only recall a scant few. The rest I made up myself using key lyrics from the songs themselves. Also, knowing one day I would loose or damage the CD, I ripped them at an extremely high bitrate to get the best quality possible in order to make more CDs. The one exeption to this is "The Sky Will Wash Us Together," due to the fact that I apparently deleted my ripped version of it and was luckily able to find an mp3 I made of it to send to Scott five years ago. It's ripped at a lowly 56kbs @ 22khz to speed up the interweb transfer to him back in those dark days of dialup. If anyone has a copy of this song, please rip it for me at the bitrate and freq the others are.