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OKAY, MY (MOSTLY) SILENCE IS BROKEN

Category: Misc
Tuesday, March 5th, 2002 @ 12:28 am

Posted By Ian the Trogydae

So it's been a couple weeks since I said I wouldn't drink for the period known as Lent. And one of the reasons I said I was doing this was because I was hoping for some clarity. Some sense of purpose. A mission for life, maybe even. And even though I have had a few drinks since making that silly pledge, I've gotten my clarity. Tonight a few things happened and I realized what I need to do. Ready? Here we go.

Step 1.
First off, I'm going to go back in time to 1981. When I get there, I will walk into a J.C. Penney's and plunk down some cash on some fine polyester western wear like these guys are wearing.

Click on that for more style.
I didn't want to give it all away at once.

Step 2.
Then I am going to be real cool for like a year or so and learn all those 1981 ways again so I don't blow everyone's minds with my futurosity. But I'll keep some of my futurosity because a know-egg like that will come in handy when it comes to step 4.

Step 3.
Find Phoebe Cates.

When she first sees me in my rockin' duds.

Step 4.
Stick my futurecock in Phoebe Cates and then marry her and then go on all kinds of wacky time travel adventures together. We'll form some sort of time-travelling special people club with such historical power-players as Abe Lincoln, Mata Hari, Tycho Brahe (the real one), Mary Poppins' cool bag (but we'll leave her behind- too much damned singing), Mark Twain, that crazy girl that talked real fast in "Real Genius", and pretty much all the hot chicks glitch has ever put pictures of on this site.

She can't resist me in that getup.

And you're all welcome to come along on one condition: you absolutely cannot have muttered or even thought any disbelief in my plan. And I'll personally be watching because my time machine will also be an invisible time machine. A PSYCHIC invisible time machine.

Over and out.

Comments

NAME: McGurk

Wednesday, March 13th, 2002 @ 03:47 pm

well..if you're going to build a time machine, here's a good place to start.

www.alexchiu.com

he's also got plans for (or he will send you some, i have my own!) the IMMORTALITY DEVICE. definately worth a look.

NAME: ian

Tuesday, March 5th, 2002 @ 03:23 pm

about messing up time itself...
remember when we were at crazy johnny's and you were explaining that theory about time travel and cause and affect that i said offended me with its stupidity?
it's actually pretty close to right.

but it still offends me.

NAME: glitch13

Tuesday, March 5th, 2002 @ 02:59 pm

You should have just googled around for a bit, you could have scrounged up a picture of the little bastard, instead of going on a rampage in the past and possibly messing up time itself.

Besides, if he writes for a site that posted this (granted, it wasn't by him), it can't be all that bad, can it?

NAME: ian

Tuesday, March 5th, 2002 @ 02:00 pm

also.

remember when like between 1982 and 1984 there were no babies surviving the whole being born process and there was all this concern about what the hell was going on? you might remember in a few minutes. anyway, that was us. we had to make damned sure that this kid wouldn't make it.

then we got a little carried away.

then we thought it could have meaning and be beautiful and we'd call it performance art.

then we realized it was like 1995 and we were killing the audience for the teletubbies, which would have left the teletubbies without an explanation, which is one of the few things you can't do when you're travelling through time. so then we had to go back in time and stop ourselves. alot. until we got tired of doing that.

NAME: glitch13

Tuesday, March 5th, 2002 @ 01:52 pm

That would be Sylvia Saint and Silvia Saint.

NAME: ian

Tuesday, March 5th, 2002 @ 01:47 pm

man, tycho almost wouldn't come. he said that hooligans such as us (the special people club) were not morally or physically fit to spend time with his moose.

then sylvia saint and sylvia saint (two years earlier) introduced him to the cp.

i'm thinking waterloo will be much funnier when the cavalry consists of 500 of the same midget riding 500 of the same moose.

NAME: foo

Tuesday, March 5th, 2002 @ 11:44 am

I've now seen at least a hojillion nipples, yet that picture of Phoebe Cates still makes me want to lock myself in a bathroom with a tub of crisco.

NAME: glitch13

Tuesday, March 5th, 2002 @ 09:24 am

Do you think Tycho will let us get his pet moose drunk? If not, he should at least let us play with his midget.