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THE ELUSIVE BI-FEM
Category: Sex
Wednesday, December 4th, 2002 @ 11:55 am
Posted By foo
Crikey! Isn't she a beaut?
Ahh, the elusive BiFem. Until recently I had no idea what a slippery creature you could be. The world is jam packed with single horny guys, single semi-elusive women, and couples looking for a swinging good time. But the true BiFem is a rare thing indeed.

When discussing the CP, people often comment that it must be difficult to get one's girlfriend to along with it. But no! That's the easy part. It isn't really a question of convincing her. Women naturally like the CP with their man. It's just genetics. But the other necessary half of the CP - the elusive BiFem - is where the difficulty lies.

You not only have to find 1) A woman willing to have sex with you but 2) A woman willing to have sex with you when she *knows* she isn't getting a relationship and 3) A woman willing to have sex with another woman and 4) Willing to do all of these things at the same time.

This is a tall order. It requires perseverance. It requires effort. It requires a lot of alcohol.

There are many creatures that masquerade as the BiFem for protection or some other advantage. I have broken them up into a few categories:


Attention Grabbers: These girls like getting guys attention by making out with girls. They don't really like girls, but rather the attention gained by bumping and grinding in public. These girls will not step up to the plate.

Too Cool For School: Girl on girl action is pretty hip these days. A lot of girls talk the talk to seem like part of the cool clique. These girls don't walk the walk.

Sluts: These girls pretty much just want to have sex with the male partner in the situation, and will lie to him about digging girls to trick him into boning them. However, if you get them drunk enough they may play ball! We're getting warmer!

Lesbians: Be careful with this breed! Their venom is quite powerful and they should be treated with extreme caution. If you get them drunk enough they might play ball to have sex with your woman, but remember that they can be dangerous!

Fatties: Many fatties are willing to do pretty much anything to get some Action Jackson. This includes the CP. (And if the internet is to be believed, it also includes scat, bondage, and CosPlay) While the fatty *may* actually be a true BiFem, do you really care?

If you are looking for the BiFem on the internet, then there are a few other types you may run into:

Guys Jacking Off: 99% of the women you run into online are actually guys that are jacking off. This includes the BiFem women. You must be very very very careful not to send Guy Jacking Off photos of you and your woman in Flagrante.

Couples (Guy Jacking Off): This is a variation of the previous type. Many couples, after finding out just how slippery the BiFem can be, turn to the internet to rustle one up. Often the couple will pose as a BiFem to lure other BiFems out of hiding, or worse, trying to hook a BiFem hungry couple. Note that the guy will no doubt be jacking off at any photos you send In Flagrante.
Hopefully this little guide will help you on your quest to capture the elusive BiFem. Print out that list and put it on a wallet sized laminated card. That way you will have a handy reference for possible pitfalls in your quest.



Comments

NAME: fix
Tuesday, December 31st, 2002 @ 05:55 pm
what a great streamof coments...i had missed all of this. i am slow.


NAME: Miss A
Tuesday, December 24th, 2002 @ 02:36 pm
Hey happy holidays, suckers.


NAME: m.c.
Monday, December 23rd, 2002 @ 07:13 pm
http://isuisse.ifrance.com/emmaf/anarcook/haqvax.htm


NAME: Miss A
Monday, December 23rd, 2002 @ 10:15 am
When you drink it sucks up your brain juice.


NAME: ian
Sunday, December 22nd, 2002 @ 04:04 pm
why am i so thirsty???

i don't recall depriving myself of liquids last night.


NAME: branden turner
Sunday, December 22nd, 2002 @ 11:38 am
oh shit. 11:30 nice breeze through the den so i played a couple of holes. like a machine, on time holes in one bi itch.


NAME: shit
Saturday, December 21st, 2002 @ 07:00 pm
bring a wet wipe to my party because you're gonna shit.


NAME: hotdog lover
Saturday, December 21st, 2002 @ 11:46 am
nooooooooooo! this is the only subject.


NAME: Miss A
Friday, December 20th, 2002 @ 11:30 pm
ohhh...miss a wants to say a joke about hotdogs....dang!...


NAME: GirlyGirl
Friday, December 20th, 2002 @ 09:21 pm
*Applause* Just beautiful...next subject please.



*Cough*


NAME: hotdog lover
Friday, December 20th, 2002 @ 02:41 pm
sams has the best hotdogs in town. but get this, you can only buy them cooked. they dont sell em by the six pack. the name of this tasty little treats is kosher's best. boil don't gas. i love hotdogs . sometimes i can't drive all the way out to sams to get one . if anyone out there knows how to get them uncooked call me.

here's a note i wrote about hotdogs after i ate one. i had just smoked drugs at lsu.

i walk on up to my apartment and i smell you through the screen door.you always wait for me then we kiss.you are not a concept. you cause me no pain. i'll say it again. i eat you then the dream is over. if only it were that easy. your friends are beautifull. your color and the drops of moisture on you and my lips. swollen are you in my belly. hotdog


NAME: Miss A
Friday, December 20th, 2002 @ 10:14 am
Probably much the same as you do, when they are slicing through a fresh twinkie.


NAME: foo
Thursday, December 19th, 2002 @ 11:15 pm
do you enjoy knives


NAME: foo
Thursday, December 19th, 2002 @ 04:31 pm
Retarded?

Hmmph...see if I contribute any more madness.


NAME: ian
Thursday, December 19th, 2002 @ 07:25 am
i second the nomination.


NAME: Miss A
Wednesday, December 18th, 2002 @ 10:42 am
Drag a baby pool into the living room and try to fill it. Play baseball with a giant nail and some oranges. Get a hippie out of the party by trying to break a wine bottle over his head. Video tape your friend putting his balls on the forehead of a girl that bears a striking resemblance to a guinea pig. In your kitchen. Get your balls shaved by some girl while your girlfriend takes a pee. Then video tape that. The House That Love Built did it. I nominate Drewcipher to make a post so we don't have to read the retarded bifem shit anymore.


NAME: shit
Tuesday, December 17th, 2002 @ 11:22 pm
no . that was beer. i'm talking about another time. really.


NAME: GirlyGirl
Tuesday, December 17th, 2002 @ 11:11 pm
At least now I know who pissed on my car. : )


NAME: shit
Tuesday, December 17th, 2002 @ 07:42 pm
somebody post something. shit!!!!!!
how about this. a photo of a guy with a ghostbusters t-shirt. under that it should say this. shits party's gonna fucking rip sat. a keg, everyone you know and a couple of people you don't "nurses and skatepunks". hey, you wana hit the beer bong and puke corn in the front of everyone? do it. glitch did it. stick your dick in a hot dog bun. pg did. shave your buddys ass and tell him it was the pizza boy. i forgot who did that. piss on a friends car. skate off the roof. throw a beer bottle at a skatekid. ian did. climb a tree. fuck with your friends shoes. talk shit. wake up in the morning and say "i need new friends". take a mr. bubble bath with a dog. pee on your boy scout pal.


NAME: Miss A
Friday, December 13th, 2002 @ 01:29 pm
Whore you? haha, oops, Who're you?


NAME: Complete tool
Friday, December 13th, 2002 @ 09:44 am
So .....how bout them mets?


NAME: lady
Wednesday, December 11th, 2002 @ 11:26 pm
my husband is bob johnson.


NAME: ian
Monday, December 9th, 2002 @ 11:17 pm
if you're 1337 and using mozilla, you can use the new splash screen i just made. just save it to your mozilla folder and you'll be awesome like me.
the best.


NAME: GirlyGirl
Monday, December 9th, 2002 @ 10:54 pm
I agree yesterdays game was the rockin'est. All of the yelling and beer were yummy. But today was just stupid. Screw you, stupid Monday. I think that we need more weekends in a year. Mondays can just die for all I care.

Oh yeah, I'm saving myself for Miss A. But she'll have to do Glitch too. And then we will whore that little "furry" out. Everyone gets the CP!

Go Deuce!


NAME: foo
Sunday, December 8th, 2002 @ 11:11 pm
Saints killed da Ravens and the Bucs Killed da Falcons.

It was a good day.

Oh yeah, and props to the CP.



NAME: niel
Sunday, December 8th, 2002 @ 10:11 pm
For Miss a

Divine Interventions


NAME: party lover
Saturday, December 7th, 2002 @ 04:54 pm

tonight i drink. there's nothing you can do about it. my cells will lose water and i'll be dry in the morning. go saints 2:30


NAME: Hershel Liebermatzahberg
WEBSITE: http://www.ariga.com/yiddish.shtml#fuk
Saturday, December 7th, 2002 @ 02:07 am
You can eat my Kugel. It's Kosher.


NAME: greg
Friday, December 6th, 2002 @ 09:51 pm
i can be your hero baby. you can take my breath away


NAME: Hershel Liebermatzahberg
Friday, December 6th, 2002 @ 08:50 pm
Oi vei! I'm saving my schmegma too.


NAME: greg
Friday, December 6th, 2002 @ 07:20 pm
any other jews in here.


NAME: foo
Friday, December 6th, 2002 @ 06:48 pm
Girlygirl hogs all the CP


NAME: ian
Friday, December 6th, 2002 @ 06:14 pm
sweet. i'm tied.


NAME: Miss A
Friday, December 6th, 2002 @ 06:08 pm
Girly Girl is my partner in CP. You are all in so much trouble when I get down there.


NAME: GirlyGirl
Friday, December 6th, 2002 @ 05:48 pm
12/14...who's the ass master now? hah


NAME: Miss A
Friday, December 6th, 2002 @ 01:16 pm
Ians eyes say girls but his buttocks scream dolphin.


NAME: Assman
Friday, December 6th, 2002 @ 12:04 pm
Allright then Assman shall fight you to the end.


NAME: Assman
Thursday, December 5th, 2002 @ 11:29 pm
It's not to late for you. You can repent and be purged of any ass corruption. Assman can feel the good in you.


NAME: ian
Thursday, December 5th, 2002 @ 10:42 pm
crap. i knew i'd get busted eventually.

may as well let everyone know...

I AM A HOMSEXUAL.


NAME: Assman
Thursday, December 5th, 2002 @ 08:25 pm
Ahhhh I knew it was you my nemesis: homsexual man. Trying to use the vise of smoke and mirrors to distract assman. Very Clever.

Assman shall never be fooled!
Just shine the ass beacon in the sky and Assman shall appear when trouble is near.


NAME: mr. nasty
Thursday, December 5th, 2002 @ 05:57 pm
9 for 14 but i'll stick my bird in an elbow any day "girls only"


NAME: ian
Thursday, December 5th, 2002 @ 05:33 pm
alright, ass-man.


NAME: ian
Thursday, December 5th, 2002 @ 01:24 pm
shit, man. spill that shit now.


NAME: shit
Thursday, December 5th, 2002 @ 12:39 pm
you're going to shit when i blast some new news on you.


NAME: ian
Thursday, December 5th, 2002 @ 12:24 pm
i saw spiderman last night.

it was pretty good.


NAME: Niel Armstrong
Thursday, December 5th, 2002 @ 10:49 am
I've never had the CP and I've been to the fucking moon.


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