So I tried to wax my balls last night. Don't ever, ever, ever, ever try this. I actually drew blood. Well actually I didn't try to wax my balls or draw blood, that was all Brenda's doing.

To understand why this is such an impossible feat, one must first understand what waxing entails. First you heat up wax and, using a little spatula thingy, brush it on the area in question, which in this example is my sack. Then you place a strip of this cotton material over the wax and press down firmly to fully adhere the strip to the wax. At this point you are supposed to, and here's the kicker, "pull the skin taut" and quickly rip the strip away in the opposite direction of hair growth.

Ignoring the fact that the direction of ball hair grown is about as uniform as a Mexican police force, trying to get the skin on your sack taut is an exercise in futility. Having the amount of experience with my sack as I do, I can pretty accurately say that the phrases "taut skin" and "a dude's balls" should never be in the same sentence. It was like trying to remove duct tape from silly putty, and if you can imagine that scenario, just imagine what condition the silly putty would be in once you successfully extricated it from the tape. That's what my balls looked like.

Except silly putty doesn't bleed.