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i hate that fucking liar. every word that comes out of his mouth is a fucking lie.

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MORE SEXY CAKE STORIES
Category: Humor
Friday, November 30th, 2001 @ 11:32 pm
Posted By mr.fix


Did you know...

...in 1966, you could make SHIT PIE in the EASY-BAKE Oven

...you've always been able to see your meat shake

...the original 1963 oven could be bought at retail in the US for a piece of 13 year old girl/boy ass

...the EASY-BAKE Oven has always featured colors that keep in style with the times - cock red, piss yellow, labia pink, puss green, shit orange and shit brown

...the EASY-BAKE brand partners with some of the best names in the 'tricks' business.

I remember...

"I am 37 years old and still have my vaginal elasticity. I even have some of my V.D. left. My girls are amazed that I have kept it for so long in its original box! I have wonderful memories and now my children can pass along their memories to their children. The Easy-Bake oven is timeless. By the way, I became a successful road house backroom whore. Thank you and I wish Glitch13.com continued success for years!!"

"I had the vagina version of the oven, and loved to slide cocks in and watch my cake rise through the view finder window. My pimp always threw a god damned shit fit about the lovely desserts I made, and loved to fuck them after dinner. One cock divided among four people is barely a mouthful, but I felt so proud. I still love to get a good facial to this day!!"

"I just gave my 5 year old daughter the 1998 vulva-pump for Christmas and it was her favorite toy. She insists I give her "pumper lessons" with it about 5 times a day and we put it next to my dildo in the kitchen because they are about the same size. After the cakes are done and the cocks are hard, we have to have a "cock and cake" party. I had the 1976 edition when I was little and I wanted my daughter to be able to share a great white trash tradition too. Thank you for upholding tradition."

We'd love to hear your stories and favorite memories about EASY-BAKE products. Send us an e-mail with your story, and maybe you'll find it posted on this site in the future!

thanks for all the fancy feed back.
that is all.


17 Comments...

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT THE FUNNY WAS GONE
Category: Humor
Friday, November 30th, 2001 @ 02:50 am
Posted By mr.fix

just wanted to let you all know that shit still stinks and midgets and cosplay can go hand in hand. more later. now piss off...



15 Comments...

ON THE SUBJECT OF ANGRY JOHN
Category: Philosophy
Saturday, November 24th, 2001 @ 10:35 pm
Posted By Brent
This is in response to a post (actually a series of posts) by Angry John, which you can view by clicking on his picture.

Me and John (and everybody else and John) seem to always get into a "Does God Exist" debate. John's counter arguments always begin with something to the effect of, "well, its very easy to think that nothing I do matters, or that you don't care, or that God made things the way they are", etc, etc; but I'm beginning to notice a major flaw in his argument.

While Christians and Athiests alike may not like the statement, nobody knows whether God exists or not. Some say their lives are plucked from turmoil by what they "feel" as the hand of God. Some say God is a childish representation of the frailty and desperation of man; and still some say that there is no God, no way, that's just retarded. I am of the second fold, and that is where the argument heats up between me and John.

John believes there is an inherent belief of a god in humans, whether it exists or not, and my argument is that there are the "writings on the wall" for a god in humans, if you would allow my euphamism. He beleives that people, you and me, are "hard wired" to accept a god for the rights and wrongs of the world, to explain things, and form a sort of moral blueprint for how societies can advance; his main argument for this being that there has been no society that has ever sustained itself without a religion. My argument is that humans have an intelligence level that I would consider a major anomonaly. A by product of this is their need to form a structure explaining why they have this intelligence, and what they can and can't do with it. Thus, we come to a religion, or a God. Without such, we would have no maintainable structure, or "status qou", a need for which being another by product of the inherent intelligence itself.

And there is my pop philosophy, take it at face value.

And you really owe it to yourself to check this out. For window users, hit the start button, select run and type this in the text box: telnet towel.blinkenlights.nl

Linux users, I hope your know how to do what you need to accomplish this task. If you don't, then install windows, cause your a fucking moron.


17 Comments...

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
Category: Politics
Thursday, November 22nd, 2001 @ 01:21 pm

just had to get in that little dig. but really, happy thanksgiving to everyone and i hope everyone gets that good bellyache nap thing this afternoon.

(i hope mr. mcgruder doesn't get bent about this.)

9 Comments...

3, 2, 1.... LET'S JAM!
Category: Media Reviews
Tuesday, November 20th, 2001 @ 01:21 am
so, i managed to totally flake out on drinkin' with glitch and fixing annie this weekend and for that i am sorry. if i couldn't take care of responsibility i should have at least been able to piss away few more neurons. shameful, yes.

but nowhere near as shameful as the pits of dorkitude i found myself in last night. what happened? i thought you'd never ask.

see, like six months or so ago i became aware of a little anime series with an interesting name. when i'd see dvd's of it sitting on shelves at hastings', i noticed that the cover artwork was rather stylish but i wasn't going to be fooled by that. there's far too much crappy anime out there hiding behind interesting names and cool cover art. but then a friend of mine passed me an mp3 of a song from the soundtrack of this series and i was definitely intrigued. it was... stylish. kind of jazzy. not shit. and it seemed strange that what i saw on the cases and what was coming through my speakers could both be so similar. so one night a dvd gets rented and mister fix (*ahem*) and miss a and i got turned on to COWBOY BEBOP.

over the next month or so we rented a few of these discs and they were probably some of the only things we could all whole-heartedly enjoy together. the drawing was good. the animation was good. the voice acting, scripting, music, plotline, and everything was good good good. then right before i left montucky adult swim started and renting wasn't necessary. the goodship bebop was going to be coming into some room i'd be sitting in every sunday and thursday night. so i get to new orleans and turn on glitch and girlygirl and adult swim becomes a sunday night institution. at first glitch seems a little doubtful as to how good yet another anime can be but it doesn't take long for all that good to set its hooks in and just last weekend we found ourselves getting called on how sad we were for discussing which characters we wanted to grow up to be. (thanks, pusher.) (and i still maintain that it's not gay to think ed's cool.) (well, not any gayer than liking the powerpuff girls.) (on second thought, fuck you.)

well, last night topped it. they aired the first part of the two-episode grand finale of the show and i can honestly say i haven't been so emotionally impacted by a tv show in a long time. not just a tv show, but a japanese cartoon. so i'm really and truly a dork. first day of the rest of my life and stuff.

see you space cowboy...

9 Comments...

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