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BALL WIRE II
Category: Personal
Tuesday, June 7th, 2005 @ 12:08 pm
Posted By Brent

After enduring the agony of defeat, I'm back for round two of what will hopefully only be a two round fight with my ball wire.

For those of you just tuning in, I've previously chronicled my experience with trying to wax my sack in hopes of achieving man's ultimate dream, having a beautifully smooth scrote. This time, after insistent prodding by a co-worker I decided to give Veet a try. According to the masses it's the best thing since sliced bread, although don't ask me who these people are that have been touting the wonders of shaving with sliced bread. Weirdos.

First things first, this is not magic. Veet is nothing new, it's basically Nair, that is to say it's a "cream that dissolves the proteins that make up hair", i.e., it's an acidic chemical that melts your hair off. Granted, it works a lot faster than Nair and has the added benefit of not smelling like a two week old corpse festering in a acrid biological waste dump. A smell that you often hear women attribute to Nair and its ilk. The main selling point seems to be that it comes with this coolio little "Rasera™ Bladeless™ razor." This is basically a little razor with a squeegee blade in place of an actual razor blade that you use to sort of scrape off all the melted hair. I believe Nair just tells you to wipe yourself off with towel to achieve the same effect, but never underestimate the power of including a little toy when it comes to marketing a product. Not to be outdone of course, Nair has now brought a "Bladeless shaving kit" to market in a weak attempt to stay in the game, but I don't think anyone's noticing. But I digress, you came here to read about my beautiful balls, not to have an in depth discussion of the recent market fluctuations in depilatory cream sales, which apparently are vast and intriguing.

Now to get down to business. I strip down and lather up my frank and beans, being sure not get any on mucus membranes or the like. After slathering myself from lower belly to taint, I decide to up the ante on the experiment and wipe the remaining cream in my hands onto my armpits. I wash my hands and prepare to wait the requisite "at least three but no more than six minutes, depending on the coarseness of the hair." I aim for five minutes.

Once my five is up, I jumped in the shower and began Rasera™-ing all the melted hair out of my left armpit which surprisingly came off entirely. When I changed up to do my right armpit, I realized I had used the majority of the cream on my left pit and apparently didn't apply enough to my right because a good bit of hair remained (half melted and looking rather horrid I must add). No matter, I could clean that up later I thought, and focused my attention on the matter at hand, the old steak and 'taters.

Please allow me to pause here to quickly address an issue. If you're going to try this and you currently have formidable growth, it would probably be immensely more convenient for you to trim the area with clippers first. I believe the stuff is supposed to be used regularly, as to minimize the amount of hair and, in turn, only requiring a small amount of Veet. When you have a dense forest you end up using quite a bit that turns your boosh into a sort of toxic hair sludge. Also, if you have a good bit of hair, you will be constantly cleaning aforementioned hair sludge out of the Rasera™ bladeless razor every couple of strokes or else you'll just be wiping your self down with a big clot of hair sludge on a stick. I reiterate that I imagine this is easier if you do this regularly so that you are dealing with smaller amounts of hair.

All in all, it's much easier than shaving, and it's pretty cool using this bladeless razor thing with out a care in the world about accidentally slitting your sack open. I employed a double blind smell test (which is to say I ran up to my wife and thrust my package in her face and said "How does it smell?") to see if the area retained a chemical odor and it did not. One thing I didn't really think about was the contact between my balls and thighs while waiting for the stuff to work it magic, so I now have two bald spots on either sides of my junk. Oh well.

Once I was done I decided to reapply it to my right armpit in hopes of finishing up the job, but after having the second coat on there for a bout a minute I got the distinct feeling that I was giving myself a horrible chemical burn. So I rinsed it out and am now walking around with a raw armpit due to my stupidity. Let this be a lesson to you, do not double dip, pain is the only result.

In closing, if I had to rate it I'd give the VEET® Rasera™ Bladeless™ Kit two silky smooth testicles up... and yes, those would be my silky smooth testicles.




Comments

NAME: QNX
Saturday, December 27th, 2008 @ 01:58 am
Wow, that last sentence sent me into laughter like any 3 am reading of this kind of material does.

Found link here: http://www.reddit.com/r/reddit.com/comments/7luvn/how_to_sell_a_product_designed_for_shaving_balls/50bs


NAME: Taylor
Tuesday, June 7th, 2005 @ 04:52 pm
There is some stuff called Nads Hair Removal Cream. Just seems right.

Ok bye.


NAME: shit
Tuesday, June 7th, 2005 @ 12:16 pm
your kids are going to be born bald now.


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