Many, many moons ago LucasArts, the video game development arm of George Lucas' media juggernaut, used to be a pretty diverse game house. It might be hard to imagine now because all they do is take their Star Wars franchise and try to find a way to trick their loyal customers in to buying a crappy game with a Wookie or a Droid on the box (KOTOR excluded).

No, at one time they had their fingers in many a pie, one of these being the Adventure Game market. For the unwashed masses not interested in memorizing the subtle nuances and differences in the different genres of video games, in an average Adventure Game you take the role of an on screen character who travels from "room" to "room" solving puzzles and collecting clues to meet whatever the goal of the game is. Currently it is a dying genre that will hopefully be buoyed by the recent critical success of games like Indigo Prophecy, but it used to be livey little niche, one which was presided over by the God of Adventure Games, Tim Schafer.

While at LucasArts, Tim either wrote or had a hand in writing the most popular titles in the genre: Monkey Island, Full Throttle, Grim Fandango, etc, etc. And how did LucasArts repay him? They dumped everything but Star Wars games and dropped him on his ass. Fortunately, he took this opportunity to hire a good number of his coworkers from LucasArts and start his own game company, Double Fine Productions.

Psychonauts, Double Fine's first and so far only release, is actually a platformer (i.e. Super Mario 64 or Tomb Raider) that has all the wit and memorable characters a Schafer game is known for (or so I read). Sadly it's apparently fallen into the horrible realm of games that are lauded by critics but bought by no one and is a commercial flop for the company. I recently purchased this game from eBay and am patiently awaiting my desk to get shipped to me so that I can start playing it without having to rock it indian style on the floor.

Actually, "purchase" is too strong a word. I didn't steal it, but I didn't pay for it either. I actually bought it from some company on eBay, and after I waited three weeks without receiving it I shot the company an email. They apologized saying their stock was defective and had to be returned to the manufacturer so they refunded me the money and that was that... until yesterday when I received it in the mail.

Now, I'm not sure who their "manufacturer" is, but I received a game that was in an already opened, crushed and crappily reshrink wrapped box, containing 5 CD's in separate chincy paper sleeves. I can't be sure if there was supposed to be a jewel case or if the sleves are the norm, but I can assure you it's not supposed to have gummy residue where the sticker keeping the box closed once was. Or look like it spent two weeks in a cab driver's front seat. Or look like it got shrink wrapped with some Saran Wrap and a Bic lighter. I can only guess that they had no idea what they did with to the used game they were supposed to send me, so they made up a line of bullshit about defects.

Anyway, I was feeling bad because I was quite certain none of my purchase would go towards Schafer and crew, and now it's pretty much a given. To add insult to injury, after perusing their site for a while today I realized that they actually sold individual units directly. Sorry guys, I'll catch you next time.

Actually, maybe the thing is defective and I'll catch you this time too, we'll see...

Nintendo, you win. I lose.

I will buy your hunk of shit, and I will probably love it. Your Nintendogs is too much for me to bear. Even if I didn't have a wife who was dying to play it, I'd still probably buy it. Even though I'm no where near in the same boat, I feel I can relate to this all too well.

Really though, Nintendogs is just the kicker, what started this was a recent bout of adventure game nostalgia I've been having. Day of the Tentacle, Grim Fandango, Maniac Mansion, etc, have all been in my thoughts as of late and after the one-two punch of hearing about ScummVMDS and Trace Memory, I've been beaten.

Of course, add to that Advance Wars DS, Animal Crossing DS, Resident Evil DS and a handful of other choice titles, I just don't think I'm going to be able to hold out.

Now, when I called this DS a "hunk of shit" up there, I didn't mean in comparison to any other unit. I mean, we all know what I think of the DS's main competitor, so please don't start any shit Nintendo fan boys, I am one of you. What I mean is that it just feels like a big plastic piece of cheap crap. I'm sure a year after I buy one they'll come out with the smaller, sleeker version of it and I'll get all pissed, but I have come to accept the things I cannot change.

Before I get into this let me explain something to you: I am not a fan of hip hop. Certainly there are a few songs from the scene I like, but in all I'm not sure how a genre of music that basically consists of someone talking about how cool they are for two and a half minutes has lasted as long as it has. Outside of the few of the more "kooky" players like Busta Rhymes, I am not a fan of hip hop celebrities either. Above all I am not a fan of a culture that looks up to people who flaunt the abject poverty of their childhood and the brutality of their adulthood in order to make a buck. With that said, Def Jam: Fight for NY is a bad ass game filled with hip hop celebs like Snoop Dogg and Ludacris (pictured) beating the holy shit out of each other. They even have Busta in there too.

I really haven't gotten into a fighting game since Tekken 2 (with the exception of a brief Soul Calibur stint on the Dreamcast), so I really don't have anything modern with which to gauge it against but the mechanics seem pretty unique. First off, you have five styles to choose from (kickboxing, street fighting, martial arts, wrestling, and submissions). You have your run of the mill punch and kick combos for each, and a variety of "grappling" moves. Each of these three can also be done holding your "strong" trigger down, which will make it perform a much more destructive, albeit slower, version of each.

The grapples are basically holds on steroids. For example, in the Street Fighter series, a hold could consist of grabbing someone, then throwing them halfway across the screen. In Def Jam, a grapple can consist of grabbing someone's arm, twisting it so they double over, then bringing your foot up and dropping your heel on the back of their head as they collapse lifelessly to the ground. Then you stomp on their face.

While wonderfully brutal, it doesn't hold a candle to what happens when you grapple someone near the edge of the "arena." Depending on what the fight area is bordered by, you end up doing any number of horrible shit to the other guy. Are there people standing around the fight? Well, if you grapple near them, sometimes a spectator will hold the guy up while you kick him in the nuts. If the guy next to the spectator holding your opponent up has a beer bottle in his hand, he'll take the opportunity to smash it over the helpless fighter's head. If it's a wall that you end up grappling the guy against, your options are plenty and include sitting the guy down against the wall and repeatedly stomping his face against it. And it doesn't stop there, the environmental elements that you can use in a fight are as numerous as they are varied. Car doors, chain link fences, pool tables, neon signs, the list goes on and on. But the game's sadism doesn't stop there.

Taking the cake for sheer wince value are what the game calls your "Blazin" moves. Basically you have a "momentum" meter that increases the harder you are beating a person's ass. When this meter tops out you can perform a "Blazin Move," of which there are many. Like a hundred of them. Anyway, these moves range from the pedestrian (running up someone's chest and kicking their head like a freaking soccer ball) to the down right repugnant ( knocking someone face down on the ground, placing one foot on their back, pulling both of their arms back and repeatedly stomping on their back of their head).

The visual style is crazy with everyone all thuggish and thick-necked. When you play in single player story mode you get to choose what your guy's going to look like, and then you get to dress him up in liberally licensed accoutrements from labels like Sean John and Reebok. There's even a tatoo artist that can ink you up and a jeweler that you can purchase bling from. These all effect your "charisma," which in turn causes your momentum meter to fill up faster during a fight. Unfortunately, your dude's voice sounds kind of like Emenim, which you might think is cool, but when your trading words with someone like Busta Rhymes before a fight, you just sound like a whiney little white kid (which I guess is what Emenim is anyway.)

Oddly enough, along side the hip hop stars, they have a few sore thumbs like Henry Rollins and Danny Trejo. I'm pretty sure these guys have about as much to do with hip hop as Pat Boone does.

All in all, the unique fight mechanics make this a solid beat 'em up outside of all the cross licensed crap and celebrity appearances. It's one of those games where everyone in the room collectively says "Oooohhwww!" every thirty seconds in reaction to some move that would permanently disable any mere mortal. Thumbs up.