| RANDOM QUOTE | Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig and then suddenly he turns on you with a miniature machine gun.
-Matt Groening, Love is Hell | |
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| PRISONER'S LOG #001:003 |  | Category: Work
Sunday, June 29th, 2003 @ 03:41 pm
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 After I voluntarily gave myself up for incarceration, I was airlifted to my new confinement. I arrived at my cell at somepoint in the night on Thursday, June 26th. I'm not quite sure when, time moves funny in this place.
My captors seem affable enough, and my cell even has a kitchenette -- It could be much worse, but it could be much better. Not soon after settling in, I began hatching my escape plan. That only lasted long enough for me to come to the realization that I was in Kansas City, a veritable Alcatraz. No man would dare escape, lest he risk death at the hand of mother nature's cruelest employee: boredom. My captors are cunning. They new no one would try to leave this godforsaken place simply because there is nothing to do anywhere else around here.
I needed to establish a connection to the outside world as soon as possible and I only had one means, the underground delivery system of theives and beggars: dial-up. This equipped me with a way to communicate with my contacts, but unfortunately getting real news from the outside is slow-going at best.
Sustanance is scarce, but when it comes, its usually barable fare. My rations last night consisted of grilled cattle meat, toobers with aged dairy products sprinkled on top, and a concoction of barley, hops and water allowed to fester. You can live off it, but trust me, no man in his right mind would choose to.
Well, that's about all I have time for right now, I opted for a work-release program that hopefully will get me back on the outside faster.
Viva La Resistance!
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| I'M OUTTA HERE! | | Category: Work
Wednesday, June 25th, 2003 @ 11:32 am
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 Well, it seems I won't be boozin' it up around town this weekend. My gracious employer has deemed it necessary to fly me to Kansas ASS City to teach a bunch of folks how to use our application.
This is teh suck on so many levels. Not only will I be there a week (Thursday to Thursday) so I'll miss my weekend, but of all the places I could be going, I'm going to Kansas ASS City. Of course God couldn't have made it so this would take place in New York or Miami or someshit. Nope, its gotta be good ole KC, Missouri. You know what Missouri's famous for? HA! Neither do I! I can't even think of anything boring its famous for. Well, besides just being boring that is.
On the upside (well, its not really an upside, just a less dissapointing aspect), I will be back in time for my three day July 4th weekend. So, I suppose all debauchery described in my earlier post will have to be postponed until then.
Well, tip a drink to me in my absence and try to include my bored ass girlfriend in on your activities this weekend (except for you John).
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| BOOZEY MCBOOZE |  | Category: Booze
Monday, June 23rd, 2003 @ 03:55 pm
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 Ok, I've shirked my duty for long enough. Too much time at home, not enough time ratting the streets, debauching myself. It's high time I high-tail it out of my comfort zone and jump back on the degenerate train.
I apologize to the friends of mine that I was supposed to meet out on Saturday. I can only imagine what you were thinking. Sitting there, rolling your eyes, complaining about how I sold you out again. Then again, maybe you were having too much fun to even notice my absence. Either way, its no good for me.
However much I do love sitting around my house, surrounded by friends, pouring glass after glass of rotgut down my gaping maw, stumbling around starting impromptu fistfights, it doesn't match the sense of allure that a night on the town surrounded by friends, pouring glass after glass of rotgut down my gaping maw, stumbling around starting impromptu fistfights seems to have. I could be wrong, but I doubt it.
This weekend was particularly dissapointing. Friday night some friends came over and we (or maybe just me and the missus) overdid it a bit, and hated life itself for the entirety of the next day. This day being the above stated Saturday of plans with friends. Oh well.
I plan to make up for it this weekend, if not fully, then to the best of my Irish ability.
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| CRASH GOES THE SERVER |  | Category: Tech
Wednesday, June 11th, 2003 @ 04:54 pm
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Well, the server was going down repeatedly, so it was decided to take it away from where it was and to bring it somewhere where we could keep a keen eye on it at all times and maybe glean the cause of the outtages. Of course, it wasn't too hard. The moment we got it back and turned it on, the reason became quite obvious: the CPU fan sounded like a lawnmower being pulled across Ian's mom's hairy boosh. So we switched it out and here we are.
In the course of the move the IP address of the site changed, so its going to be a while before the DNS change spreads across the interweb, allowing all of you glorious people to visit my humble little home. In the meantime, I'll probably just leave this post up untill everyone checks in.
In other news, I still haven't begun my beer and wine brewing extravaganza. I'm still teetering back and forth over wether to thrown down a decent chunk of change for a whole "brewing rig" type thing, or shoe string it (i.e. steal a kentwood bottle, use a garden hose, bottle it with my teeth).
Those of you out here that have done it, who went the store bought kit way, and who went the "clandestine alcoholic" way?
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| STRANGE BREW | | Category: Booze
Wednesday, June 4th, 2003 @ 09:46 am
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 I have a friend, let's call him "The Winkle", who has recently gotten me and the missus quite excited about the prospect of brewing one's own ice cold beers. A couple weeks ago, we went to his house to bottle some wine he had been aging, and to taste said wine (by the end of the night "tasting" apparently meant going through about 4-5 bottles). It was pretty impressive to see somebody weave around 20 bottles of alcohol out of thin air and grape juice.
It got me thinking, and during this thinking I had the following thought:
"Self, you do like you some alcohol. You also don't like to spend a lot of money. This also looks fun as shit. You also like having people over and this bottling thing looks like quite a social occasion. You know what self?! You could do this!"
It was about then that I realized that I had been thinking out loud and was getting some funny looks, but that's a different story entirely.
On the same night, after the wine was bottled (and being unbottled one by one), we started a batch of beer. By "we", of course I mean "him", but I was pouring wine down my gullet while he was making beer, so we were practically on the same team. Beer, while being more complicated to make then wine, is still not as difficult as the uninitiated would first assume. Steep this, pour in that, boil that, mix it with this, then let it sit for a couple weeks pretty much sums up the bulk of it.
I love beer. If beer had a warm, wet hole, I would marry beer. I would have little beers with my beer and maybe in our old age we could have grand-beers to play with and keep us young. That being said, I want to make beer. I want to make wine. I'm also thinking it would be pretty cool to make a stove-top still out of a pressure cooker and some copper tubing, but that's getting ahead of myself.
I know that I won't exactly achieve the "low-cost" goal the first couple times round what with all the initial investment in equipment and ingredients (from here referred to as "precious reagents"). I also know that I am in no conceivable way the first (or one of the first) of my friends to dabble in this art, so if you have wisdom to pass on, feel free to do so now.
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