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Category: Humor
Friday, November 30th, 2001 @ 11:32 pm
Posted By mr.fix

Did you know...

...in 1966, you could make SHIT PIE in the EASY-BAKE Oven

...you've always been able to see your meat shake

...the original 1963 oven could be bought at retail in the US for a piece of 13 year old girl/boy ass

...the EASY-BAKE Oven has always featured colors that keep in style with the times - cock red, piss yellow, labia pink, puss green, shit orange and shit brown

...the EASY-BAKE brand partners with some of the best names in the 'tricks' business.

I remember...

"I am 37 years old and still have my vaginal elasticity. I even have some of my V.D. left. My girls are amazed that I have kept it for so long in its original box! I have wonderful memories and now my children can pass along their memories to their children. The Easy-Bake oven is timeless. By the way, I became a successful road house backroom whore. Thank you and I wish Glitch13.com continued success for years!!"

"I had the vagina version of the oven, and loved to slide cocks in and watch my cake rise through the view finder window. My pimp always threw a god damned shit fit about the lovely desserts I made, and loved to fuck them after dinner. One cock divided among four people is barely a mouthful, but I felt so proud. I still love to get a good facial to this day!!"

"I just gave my 5 year old daughter the 1998 vulva-pump for Christmas and it was her favorite toy. She insists I give her "pumper lessons" with it about 5 times a day and we put it next to my dildo in the kitchen because they are about the same size. After the cakes are done and the cocks are hard, we have to have a "cock and cake" party. I had the 1976 edition when I was little and I wanted my daughter to be able to share a great white trash tradition too. Thank you for upholding tradition."

We'd love to hear your stories and favorite memories about EASY-BAKE products. Send us an e-mail with your story, and maybe you'll find it posted on this site in the future!

thanks for all the fancy feed back.
that is all.


Category: Humor
Friday, November 30th, 2001 @ 02:50 am
Posted By mr.fix

just wanted to let you all know that shit still stinks and midgets and cosplay can go hand in hand. more later. now piss off...


Category: Humor
Wednesday, October 24th, 2001 @ 10:25 pm
Posted By Brent
The FBI has just released a public service announcement about the recent rash of 'bio-terrorism' in the form of anthrax contaminated letters sent to media and political institutions in the past weeks.

"Although vigilance and safety should be a part of every American's life during this national crisis," FBI Director Louis J. Freeh stated, "but it seems the public has little to worry about as long as they avoid handling letters that appear to be addressed by a mildly retarded person with a grasp of penmenship equal to that of your average first grader." He continued, "By keeping out of contact with letters that seem to be penned by someone who's never seen a sheet of paper with lines on it before, you should be just fine."

Director Freeh seemed to be quite secure in the American public's safety during these acts of terrorism which he referred to as "the troglodytic scribblings of a person that hasn't quite comprehended the basics of contacting a pen to paper."


Category: Humor
Saturday, July 28th, 2001 @ 03:23 am
Posted By Brent
I don't know if I mentioned this before on here, but if you haven't seen Momento, then by all means, get your heinie hole to whatever obscure theatre in your area that shows semi-indie/industry films and get ready for a simulation of 2 hours on a heavy dose of the brown acid from Woodstock.

Don't really have much to post about, just have to congratulate future tard on his balls to post a near full frontal nudity shot of himself on the site. Well, full frontal + the Tron soundtrack.

Like I mentioned a couple posts ago, the commenting system on the poll is now working, so comment away, you young gutter aristocrats! Its a milder version of the commenting for the news updates; I figured no one would want all that info needed (ie website, email, etc) when shooting out a one line zinger about the poll.

In other news, Hardgeus has been quite the little creative scoundrel these past few days. Not only did he post a pretty astute parody of Penny Arcade (which I will admit is funny, but I still enjoy the strip), but he also tried his hand at flash, whilst incorparating the most horrid picture of me known to man: please partake, and revel in the fine bouquet! If you're wondering what the fuck I'm saying, read the title of this post. If you still have questions, then tough. Its an inside joke and I'm too drunk to explain it.

I hate you all.


Category: Humor
Monday, July 9th, 2001 @ 01:00 am
Posted By mr.fix
a great man once said "Hunters, please remember to think before you shoot. Poorly placed shots waste valuable meat and cause game animals needless pain and suffering." that man was Eldon R. Cutlip. Eldon makes sausage. Eldon loves meat. Eldon lives in Idaho. Eldon sells meat hooks! not to get off track but all of this talk of meat makes me think of the trip that miss A. and i recently took to the Montana College town of Missoula. the trip was fairly uneventfull. one night Miss A. drank 6 bloody marys in a row and a fuck load of beer, after that the night was a blur but luckily it ended without either of us getting thrown in the clink. during our trip she had her first motor cycle ride ate her first fried oyster poe boy, had her first jello shot and some other crap that i can't remember right now. we saw a band from down south that rules live but the records leave a little to be desired. The Woggles. now...back to the meat. Eldon sells knives and bacon rub. i'm not too sure what bacon rub is but it sounds like a sexy voodoo mind fuck!!! speaking of sexy voodoo mind fucks i got my interview questions back from Gabe Roadie of The Murder City Devils. !!! so that post will be up very soon as well. i think that's all i can muster so i will post again very soon. below please marvel at a prime example of when vulva pumps go bad...



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