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Category: Misc
Friday, January 5th, 2001 @ 02:31 pm
Posted By Brent
While looking around for a tutorial on how to parse XML with ASP (so I could do the little curiosity experiment described in the last post), I've found eight million tutorials on how to parse it with Perl of PHP, but every tutorial that deals with ASP and XML shows you how to invoke some fucking homoerotic Microsoft Object that automatically parses XML for use in your projects. I fucking swear, is there ANYONE on this planet that can actually CODE in ASP? Now, I know that ASP is limited in certain respects, such as you can't actually read, write, or delete a file without creating a fruity filesystem object and such, but pulling a fucking text file over the web and parsing out certain key words is, asthetically speaking, something that should be done mannually, not with some fucked up system object that obfuscates the process ten fold.

On a darker note, I started trying to figure out how to do this by hand, and just as I dig in, a whole gaggle of roofers show up at my house and begin pounding the holy-motherfucking-hell outta my roof. I'm trying to look on the lighter side, but the only good thing I can glean outta this is the fact that I've learned that balls of wet toilet paper do not make a good earplugs. I want to kill someone now.


Category: Misc
Friday, January 5th, 2001 @ 01:11 pm
Posted By Brent
Out of curiousity, I was going to figure out how to add a Slashdot headline ticker to the side panel there, but there is absolutely no documentation on how to do this, anywhere. There are hundreds of code examples, but they're all in Perl or PHP (and a few java aplets [yuk]), so I'm left kinda stranded on how to do this in ASP. Now, I know most of you 'hardcore' people are going to tell me to ditch ASP, because its for scrubs or some shit, but there are more jobs out there for ASP, so I will continue to excel in it.

John sent me a PHP code example for it, but I cant make heads or tails of it, mainly becuase I've never seen functions like list() and each() and have no idea what in the hell they do. Yup, I'm declaring my ignorance, mark it down, it probably won't ever happen again.

So if any of you people can explain how to divine the slashdot headlines outta their rdf file (or outta any other site that lists their headlines in this format), please leave a comment and tell me how scrubby I am.

Well, I gotta get ready for my cousin's funera... um, wedding, so I'll see you all later.

(P.S.) Damn! This post knocks the 'ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US' post off the front page!

(P.S.2)Check out Stile's post for January 4th, and listen to the prank calls made with Arnie's voice from Kindergaten Cop, I almost pissed myself.


Category: Misc
Wednesday, January 3rd, 2001 @ 11:54 pm
i'll make this brief as i can, but it's the sort of thing i just had to share with the world. (and i guess since this is supposed to be a sort of e/n site, it's the sort of thing i'm supposed to be sharing with you guys anyway).

okay, i'm bouncing around the dumb side of things and i end up at this site. for those of you that know anything about what's good on the net, you'll recognize it as a fairly "good english" version of miguel's site. but given the regularity of updates over there, i'm always in the mood for a comparable alternative and this was doing fine.

on a side note, i'm a smoker. clove cigarettes, pack a day or so. really healthy habit. i count it as one of the key secrets to my longevity (next month i'll be a whole quarter-century old). anyway, one of the benefits of not leading a terribly athletic lifestyle is that i don't often notice any of these alleged side-effects of smoking that health nuts always go on about. however, i do like laughing a whole damned lot and that's not always the most compatible activity with my smoking. but i persevere so i can offer up the funny when i find it.

anyway, on with the reason i came here today. so i'm looking at the aforementioned site and the laughter starts. and it hurts. so i start trying to channel the laughter up through my nose, figuring that might not hurt quite as much. reading reading reading. laughter laughter laughter. when all of a sudden a rather nasty bit of matter that had formed in my nose was propelled with the force of my laughter from its comfortable place of lodging to... i know not where. that's not the really important thing. what's really important and gross is that on its way i felt it slide past/graze my upper lip. and for whatever reason, i felt it in gobs of microscopic detail (no, i don't have an excuse as handy as glitch13 does for the amount of adventure he had for new year's night because my employer wouldn't be at all the least bit understanding of such things. i guess it can be kind of cool to be unemployed.) so um that's my story and it went on for much longer than i meant for it to.

thanks for your time.


Category: Misc
Wednesday, January 3rd, 2001 @ 10:48 pm
Posted By Brent
I know its kinda belated, but I'll give all you freaks my New Year's party run down.

Me and the li'l lady had aquired some mighty fine 'feel good' medicine for the night and Jason suggested that we all go down to the Matador cause this guy called 'Mr. Quintron' was going to be playing and he said the show would go nicely with our altered state of mind.

Well, we got there at about 11:30 and the show seemed that it wasn't anywhere near close to beginning so we just kinda sat around drinking and waiting for the fun to begin. Midnight came and went and no sign of the show starting, or our medication kicking in. They were selling some cheap ass champagne at the bar for $25 a bottle so I threw down some dough and cracked open a bottle of the ol' bubbly. Here's where it gets interesting: I start pouring the champagne and the second the fumes hit my nose it was like I got hit in the head with a brick. My hands felt like they were in ice and I had tunnel vision out the wahzoo. Since my peripherals were shot to shit, I started darting my eyes around trying to surmise the situation, so my friends naturally started asking me what was wrong. Well, that sounded like the soundtrack to hell played backwards. The place was getting more and more crowded so we all took to the streets to stroll among the crowds and wait for the show to start. Besides, there were fireworks going on and we thought we might as well go catch 'em while we wait.

I got onto the street and the cold air hit me and the world came alive. My vision was vibrating and it felt like my clothes were made of silly putty that had been dunked in ice water. We started walking, and as we did, we passed indiscriminate cliques of people who were screaming and shouting (I later found out that it was because they were all drunk and the fireworks were blasting off, but I thought they were screaming at me, so I just kept focused on the ground and walked at a quick pace). I felt the immediate need to get inside somewhere, mostly cause I was freezing my ass off, partly because I was getting really freaked out. We ducked inside this hole in the wall called Turtle Bay (once the Decatur House) and I made a bee line for an open bar stool, threw myself on it, and melted.

After an indeterminate amount of time (felt like about 5 minutes, but in retrospect, it was probably about half an hour) Jason and his hizzo were getting bored, but I wasn't budging, there was a small nuclear blast going on inside my head. So they took off in search of adventure, and I think they were afraid they'd be stuck baby sitting us if they stayed, and off to 735 or the Shim Sham they went.

If you've ever been in a situation like I just described, you know what it's like when the control group leaves the experiment. Time for paranoia to set in. We had been there for a while, and were starting to get the feeling that we were being extremely obvious, so we reluctantly left the warmth of the bar and began to head back to the Matador. On the way back, the cold seemed even more intense, so about halfway back we ducked into a little resturant, Angeli's, to pretend to use the bathroom while we basked in the warmth. On our way through the dining room, a friend of mine who was eating at the time saw us and waved us down. At last, another sober person to cling to! We rudely sat next to him while he ate with a few other friends and tried to keep up with trivial, friendly like conversation. It was at about this moment that we realized that we had driven and were in no where near any condition to drive back, especially with all the DUI checkpoints the cops had been putting up in the past month.

I reluctantly called my friend Matt, cause I knew he was spending his new years at home with his chica, so I figured he might be up for a little excursion. SHAZAM! He's in, say's he'll pick us up at the Matador in about 15. W3rd!

So we bid adieu to our dinner eating hosts and took off, once again, for the Matador. The second we walked in the door, Quintron started up, and I swear, I've never heard anything like it. He was a tall skinny guy in a Powder Blue 70's tuxedo, standing on a bench behind an old style cheesy electric organ, while some freaky rotating electromagnetic, photosensitive crazy device wailed out some insane drum beat. This guy was rocking. It was then I realized why the place was so jam packed before, this guy is some sort of local legend I had never heard of. His first song ended, and just as he was doing the whole intro 'happy new year' speech thing, Matt drove up and collared us.

When me and the homa got home, we immediately jumped in bed and had lots of crazy sex (always cool). I woke up the next morning, went and got the car, had a steak dinner, went home, and immediately started scouring the web for Quintron shit. Turns out this drum thing was his own patented invention, and he's a pretty enigmatic figure in the whole New Orleans music scene. Somewhere it said he was pretty much the house band for the Spellcaster's Lounge, which I didn't even know was still open, seeing as I haven't heard anything about it in about 2 years.

And that about wraps up my New Year's festivities, here's some Quintron if you're curious.


Category: Misc
Wednesday, January 3rd, 2001 @ 12:12 pm
Posted By Brent
The gentlemen to your left there, McGurk, has graciously offered his html training services to me. If you look at the comments for my update on the 30th, you'll see him spouting his wisdom. I'm not even sure what an 'interdependant menuing system' is, but I'm sure once he's done with me I will be the bestest at the htmls as ever anyone ever was. And he sure is a looker too!

Well, I tried to fix the poll system so people couldn't revote 800,000 times, but I'm not too happy with how it works now, so I'll be changing it once again.

Well, nothing much is happening in the life of me, I went over to my parent's house last night for some dinner and ended up getting drunk and everyone made fun of me for being a booze hound. *SIGH*, unconditional love.

Well, that's about it for today, have fun homos.


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